Remember back in October when we had a national debate over whether it was okay to “boo” Donald Trump when he showed up at the World Series?
The hand-wringers and apologists said booing the president was “bad form” and that we needed to “respect the dignity of the office,” as though the office of president somehow exists separately from the person who occupies it, a sentient being with feelings all its own.
Or that by booing a man who has repeatedly lied, stolen, broken and ignored our nation’s laws, courted our enemies, insulted our allies, abused women and mocked the disabled, we were somehow lowering ourselves to the depths of his misdeeds.
The backlash against the booers was too much like the Gary Larson cartoon of a circled wagon train under attack by Indians shooting flaming arrows and one cowboy saying to another, “Hey, they’re lighting their arrows. Can they do that?”
Of course we can boo Trump. We are now fighting for the future of democracy. We’re well within the bounds of propriety to boo, jeer and insult anyone who threatens that. (We can flip them off, too!)
Trump has shown no respect for our nation, its laws, the office of the presidency, or common human decency. And because he has shown no respect, he has earned none. He begs for more than a booing. His smarmy, rich-boy demeanor alone qualifies him for a trip out back and a swift kick in the ass.
You and I can’t do that physically, but there is a kick you can give him, and that’s to personally insult the bastard. Trump doesn’t care what you think of his actions, his policies or his warped world view. Don’t take the high road. Trump never has. He wouldn’t have a clue where even to find such a thing.
Trump inhabits a low existence of images and pictures and grunts, reactions and insults. That’s the world that means something to him. So that’s where we need to go, to the tiny size of his hands and apparently corresponding sexual organ, to his weird weasel hairpiece and otherworldly, Cheetoh-orange complexion, to his girth and fat ass.
Or to his failed business career, or his man crush on Vladimir Putin.
Trump is nothing if not a creature of the media. He understands image and he knows that he is physically what he accuses so many others of being – ugly and stupid. Because he’s a cowardly bully, he’s also sensitive to what others think about him. So rub it in.
Reflect on this and write a letter to Trump. This is his address: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Wash., D.C., 20500. Mail it. It’s your constitutional right – at least for now.
I sent Trump a letter this week that said:
“Mr. Trump:
Let’s get this straight. You reduced nutritional standards for school lunches?
So, besides your other crimes, you are now complicit in malnourishing our nation’s children?
What kind of monster are you?
Your black, encrusted soul cannot rot in hell soon enough.
Sincerely,
Tom Morphet
PO Box 102
Haines, Alaska”
Honestly though, I went much too light on Trump, a criminal, windbag and buffoon who is deliberately destroying many of our nation’s more important and treasured democratic institutions and traditions, apparently at the behest of Russia and with the support of our nation’s fascist underbelly.
So for Valentine’s Day, how about something like this:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You are brown and smelly,
And stuck to my shoe.
But be more insulting in your own letter, please. Trump has been so much worse to our nation that any president we’ve seen yet and that includes some other world-class Republican criminals like Tricky Dick Nixon.
Lord we could use a Hunter S. Thompson to describe the fetid depths to which Trump has dragged our country and its ideals. But Hunter is gone, and we’re on our own.
So here’s some help from Mr. Rodale’s Synonym Finder, if you find yourself repeating the word “idiot” and are too timid to resort to expletives: imbecile, mooncalf, moron, fool, saphead, ninny, nincompoop, silly-billy, driveler, dimwit, nitwit, half-wit, featherbrain, pinhead, scatterbrain, rattlehead, rattleplate, rattlebrain, dope, booby, lamebrain, dummy, dumbbell, dumbhead, muddlehead, cretin, dolt, loon, lurdan, clod, oaf, dunce, chump, coot, blockhead, beetlehead, bonehead, dunderhead, dunderpate, chucklehead, lunkhead, knucklehead, dullard, numbskull, donkey, ass, lubber, lout, ignoramus, lowbrow, troglodyte, crackpot, nut, lunatic, maniac, psychotic, crank.
Here are some more, if you tire of using the word “criminal:” larcener, lawbreaker, recidivist, repeat offender, transgressor, miscreant, malefactor, evildoer, wrongdoer, sinner, malfeasant, perjurer, scofflaw, gangster, mobster, racketeer, mafioso, desperado, terrorist, thug, mugger, ruffian, hoodlum, hood, goon, hooligan, larrikin, cutthroat, hit man, hired gun, gunman, triggerman, hatchet man, bandit, hold-up man, stick-up man, second-story man, robber, burglar, thief, purloiner, crook, pickpocket, cutpurse, embezzler, extortionist, bleeder, swindler, confidence man, rapist, pervert, degenerate, villain, blackguard, scoundrel, nave, bandit, yegg, bunko steersman, freebooter, brigand, picaroon.
And finally, some accurate and appropriate verbs: Steal, thieve, pilfer, filch, snitch, embezzle, misappropriate, pocket, shoplift, boost, pinch, swipe, hustle, cop, plunder, despoil, pillage, ravage, rape, harry, maraud, ransack, loot, devastate, gut, fleece, strip, raid, prey on, lay waste to, wreak havoc upon, defraud, shark, victimize, dupe, usurp, hijack, kidnap, crib.
Or just write the president and call him a fat, stupid, cruel, sonofabitch so ugly he had to buy his wives from countries that would fit his own definition of “shithole,” and then pay for sex.
Don’t fret too much your exact words. It’s the thought that counts. Write today.