Author Archives : Tom Morphet

Ready to Hear Some Gene Kennedy Stories

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I didn’t know Gene Kennedy much in the early 1990s. Just that he was a rough-hewn guy who built Model A cars from old chassis and cut a curious figure carrying a boxy, old briefcase as chairman of the Mud Bay Land Use Service Area. The effect was that he was coming into city hall to craft a new ordinance…

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Don’t Mourn; Celebrate What We Had

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“The lamps are going out all over Europe; we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime.” British Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Gray, on the outset of World War I   History tells us that democracies are rare and fragile and that periods of enlightenment are sparks, not torches, for showing us a way forward. In the long span…

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Only His Latest Swindle

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“As democracy is perfected, the office (of president) represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move towards a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” H.L. Mencken, 1920 “We rip…

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Convicted Swindler and Serial Sex Predator Who Conspired to Overthrow the Government Elected U.S. President

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Satirical humor columnist Dave Barry would sometimes find unimaginable situations or events to put in his column but to keep his readers from assuming they were fabricated, he would write, “I am not making this up.” Yes, I am not making this up. One of the most reprehensible and dishonorable characters in our nation’s political history now holds its highest…

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High On the Tundra Plain

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At the end of September each year we run up to the Pass, away from the rain, under the canopy of golden aspens when the season turns patches of tundra rusty red. An unplanned camping weekend is a chance to wear dirty pants and drink warm beer and do whatever one damn well pleases in the treeless, expansive Canadian wilderness.…

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What Would Ted Stevens Do?

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Traveling through the Anchorage airport, I had a chance to visit with Ted Stevens. Ted is dead now 14 years. Maybe many of the passengers passing by his statue on their way to the baggage claim already have no idea about the bronze man on the park bench, his hand extended. I sat down there next to our favorite U.S.…

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Searching for the Real Santa Claus

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A year or so ago I went looking for Mike Howard. I heard he was living at Dusty Trails, that he was sick and doctors had cut off his foot. I was hoping to write the story, “Santa Claus Is A Man With One Foot Who Lives in Public Housing.” A big guy with enough fluffy white hair and beard…

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Stay the Course. Vote to Keep this Assembly.

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I was not expecting to say anything publicly regarding the municipal election but at recent forums our current assembly was unfairly maligned. As mayor, I pledge to work with any assembly members supported by voters, but some things need to be said. The Haines Borough Assembly elected last October has tackled three giant problems left at its doorstep by the…

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Ignore the Whinging; Haines Is Doing Fine

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Because it’s election season, people wanting political power are complaining that our town’s economy is in ruins. That’s not the truth. I know because I’ve heard that line for the 38 years I’ve lived here despite the fact that young, energetic people keep moving here and our town keeps improving. The Haines economy is doing fine, despite attempts by Alaska…

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Hydrology and Geology: The New Growth Industries

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Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Make ’em be hydrologists and geotechnical engineers and such. That’s where the money will be. Those will be among the best-paying jobs in Southeast Alaska, where the rains are bringing down our mountainsides – and the homes, driveways and roads located on them – faster than ever. Since 2015, landslides…

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